


The day the world seemed to change.

by artistsfuneral



Series: Poly-Sander Human AU [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Falling In Love, Human AU, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Implied Death, Kid Thomas Sanders, M/M, Mentions of War, Mentions of homophobia, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Remy has his reasons to be mean, Roman Is Thomas Dad, Service Dogs, Swearing, Virgil has a Service Dog, War Veteran Virgil, but like if you squint, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-03 11:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19463263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artistsfuneral/pseuds/artistsfuneral
Summary: After Virgil is invited in a polyamorous relationship by his long-time crush, he is left confused and more anxious than normal. Trying not to spiral he leaves his house, but after meeting someone from his past he ends up having a panic attack in the middle of a grocery store.





	1. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil tries to research polyamorous relationships and has a panic attack (ptsd related) in a grocery store.

***

Virgil was awake by the time the sun went up.  
He was back for about six months by now, but he still followed the same strict routine, that he was forced to do for years. The movements of getting up, getting dressed and starting to work out, were embedded in his mind.  
Without much thinking he packed his army backpack, putting all of Pheonix' gear inside, to get her into the right headspace if needed, and two big water bottles for weight. Carrying the comforting heaviness that pulled his shoulders down and forced him to work harder, had become one of his many habits, that grounded him throughout the day.  
With his backpack on his shoulders and Phoenix on a long leash, that clipped to his belt, he left his house and startet jogging through the woods, following a small path that he had created over time.

Yesterday had been a weird day. After the event had ended they all drove to Pattons house and sat down for a talk. To his confusion, Roman and Logan seemed completely okay with the idea of sharing Patton with Virgil. They even were okay with Virgil admitting that he didn't know if he could handle this "Relationship".  
And in the end they had just talked. And talked and talked and Virgil had let them go on all day, noting everything down inside his head to sort it out later. That's what he was doing right now. Sorting it out...

Logan definetly was the quietest of the three, unlike his father - Emil Picani - he was pretty calm. But he did that weird tapping thing with his fingers, that somehow irritated Vrgil. It was a weird rhythm that was accompanied with Logan shrugging and bowing his head every now and then. And after he had caught him staring, Logan had stopped it immediately and left the room for a while.  
As it turned out Logan owned the small bookstore in Virgil's side of the town. Patton also highly praised the books that Logan himself had written and how a small amount of money was send to Patton's sanctuary whenever someone bought one of the books.

Roman was excentric, loud and maybe a bit self-centered. But Virgil was drawn to him in a way that he was also drawn to Patton. He had this consuming ray of sunshine around him that was set on fire whenever he talked about something he was passionate about. So basically all the time.  
Roman had one of the leading roles in a musical three towns away, so Thomas spend a lot of his time with either Patton or Logan, when his Dad was working. But the boy didn't seem to mind at all, because of his love for animals and fairy tales. Thomas was proudly telling everyone he knew that his Daddy was a prince, that spend his time fighting dragons and freeing princesses from witches.

As Virgil jogged down the path his thoughts wandered alongside him. Finally comming to an end as he started to realize that _Patton was now his boyfriend_. And he somehow ended up in a weird four way relationship, should everything work out in the end.  
_But how did a relationship with four people even work?_  
_And if he commited to them, he would need to take care of a kid. A kid! He was not ready to take care of someone else, he couldn't even take care of himself properly!_  
_What if he messed everything up? What if Thomas didn't like him? What if he would never be able to be comfortable around Logan? What if Roman would start to think he was plain boring? Because he certainly was!_

_How the fuck did a relationship with FOUR PEOPLE work?!_

  
Without realizing he had run the last bit back to his tiny home and was now gasping for air. Phoenix next to him was panting and pawed at him, signaling Virgil that he really needed to calm down. Or maybe she was just hungry...

***

After he had fed Phoenix, Virgil sat down on his kitchen island, his legs dangling in the air and he started to research for polyamorous relationships.  
The thing was... it didn't help at all. Of course Virgil knew what polyamory meant, so the hundreds of definitions weren't helpful. Most relationships were talking about three people, not four. And Roman, Logan and Patton also didn't seem like their were completely "open" with who they were with.

  
_So they were closed? But still wanted him to join? Would they also want others to join, once they noticed that Virgil wasn't enough?_

One of the posts in the internet talked about a heart so big that it would fit more than one person inside. And that really fit well with Patton, but... Virgil wasn't sure if he even had a heart and not just a black hole inside his chest that kept him breathing.  
Virgil covered his face with his hands. Now he had spent half an hour for nothing and he still had so much to do today. _Maybe he should just stay inside... go back to bed and put on the TV. He still could try tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, or-_

"Fuck." He groaned as he noticed himself going back to old habits. "Nope. Nope, nope!" Reminding himself to breathe, he left his place on the kitchen counter and went to grab his jacket. It was already around nine in the morning and he had to go grocery shopping. His cabinets were mostly empty but more important; he was running out of dog treats.  
And with all the things Phoenix did for him, the least he could do was to buy her food.

  
So he went to put on his boots and put on Phoenix' gear. He clipped the extra bags on the side of her harness, that could carry some of his groceries and chose the bride purple leash wrap that said "service dog" on one side and "do not pet" on the other.  
Grocery store meant many people and also children so he put on a bandana collar that said the same thing as the leash wrap, hoping that it would be clear enough.

Before he left his house, Virgil checked his Phone once more and saw that Patton had left him a message, reading:

**9.24 - Patton:** "Mornin kiddo! So glad to hav ur number noww!!"  
**9.26 - Patton:** "Do u now how turtles communicate with each other?"

**9.26 - Patton:** "..."

**9.27 - Patton:** "With shell phones!!"

Virgil snorted and sent an upside down smiley back. Shaking his head he left with Poenix on his side.

  
The small house he had bought himself when he came back was standing outside of the town on a small hill that functioned like an entrance to the nearby forest. The children called it haunted, because of it's odd location, but when Virgil was looking for a place he immediately fell in love with the house. He didn't have people running around his lawn, causing panic attacks. He didn't have to worry about running in other joggers in the morning. And the most important part; The chances that his family knew were he lived was infinitesimal.

  
Living on the edge of the country side meant that the towns around here were kinda small but still big enough to prevent a everybody-knows-everybody situation. By foot it took him about thirty minutes to the next store, nothing he wasn't used to. Walking kept him fit and unlike driving, he could always stop when he needed to.

  
And even in her working headspace Phoenix could still enjoy the walk, because Virgil was usually less anxious, due to the time he had to metally prepare himself.

***

When he entered the store he noticed thankfully, that not many people were present. So without further thinking Virgil went through the aisles and collected what he needed to survive for the next few days, not buying to much so he would need to go out soon again - something his therapist had taught him a while ago.

In the pet aisle he clipped Phoenix off of his belt and let her search for he treats, thinking about maybe buying a new toy that he could reward her with when he got back home. She had earned it. Taking a stuffed rabbit in his hand he searched in the filling for a squeaker - something that could cause him to have a flashback - but only found a small rattling noice. Pleased Virgil put the toy in his shopping basket and called Phoenix back to him who carried the treats in her mouth.

Praising her he took her leash and left the aisle...

  
Running straight in the chest of a well-known person.

His breath hitched and his hand shot out forming a fist in Phoenix' fur. He stumbled back in fear as he stared in dark brown eyes that matched his own nearly perfectly.

  
"Virgil?" A hand reached out for him and Virgil flinched violently. Immediately Phoenix went into blog and moved between Virgil and his younger brother.

  
Again Remy tried to reach out for Virgil but Phoenix stood her blog. "Virgil, what the fuck?!" The confusion in his eyes turned into anger and Virgil could have sworn that his heart stopped beating. The image of a ten year old Remy shot through his mind and shook his body.

  
"What the fuck?" Remy was shouting now and people started staring. "Since when are you back? Why the fuck didn't you tell us that you were back? We are all thinking that you are still on the front!" He tried to push Phoenix away, swearing violently when she kept her position between him and Virgil firmly.

  
The ex-veteran was frozen in place. He could hear the blood pumping through his veins, his shouting brother turned into a loud mess of screeching noises that hurt his ears. His hands were shakingly searching for something to grab, but the black Shepherd was still out of reach for him. He could see the people staring at them comming closer and closer. They were cornering the two and the dog.

  
And suddenly, right behind him, there was open gunfire, loud and shaking and the world burned to the ground as the explosion of a grenade destroyed every single bit of live around him.

***

"Stay away from the service dog, can't you see that it's tasking?" _Service dog? Virgil's sergeant hated animals, they didn't have a K-9 unit, did they?_

  
A heavy weight settled on his chest and Virgils hands shot out trying to remove it, but when his fingertips touched something soft his reflexes kicked in and his hands burried in the fur- _Fur_? He took a shaking breath and grabbed the fur, somehow knowing that it meant savety.

"Hey, Virgil? Can you hear me?"

  
He blinked rapidly. His vision clearing, he noticed the tears that were streaming down his face. _Tears, not blood_. Still slightly dazed he stared at the giant, black, fuzzy dog on his chest. _He was lying on his back? Why was there a dog- Phoenix._

  
He took another breath, this time deeper.  
His lungs were aching and his throat felt raw. _Had he screamed?_

"Virgil. It is really important, that you listen to me, okay? You are save. You had a panic attack, but you are save. Phoenix is with you, and I am too. You know who I am, right?"

  
_Did he? Yeah he did. He knew that voice, though he couldn't remember the name._ His eyes still on the... _on Phoenix, his service dog,_ he nodded truthfully.

"Okay, okay that is great!" Relief was in the voice of the man next to him.

  
_Why did he care so much?_ "Can you look at me, for a second?"

He moved his head slowly and blinked, refocusing his eyes. _Brown hair, sidecuts, bright eyes, white jacket. Roman_. "Roman", he echoed his thoughts.

  
"Yeah. Yeah that's right. I'm Roman. Are you with me again?"

  
He took another deeb breath. Then he started to move every muscle after another, controlling if everything was still there, if everything was moveable, if anything hurt.

"Yes, sir. I'm still here." There was a pause, then Roman slowly - trying not to scare him - stood up and held out a hand. "You should try to stand, then we can go pay and I can bring you to Patton." _Patton? Why would Patton be here? Shouldn't he be at school?_

Another breath and he gestured Phoenix to remove herself from his chest. _Patton was an adult. Virgil was an adult. He was at the grocery store. Roman was here and he was sitting on the floor. He should get up._ So he took Roman's hand and did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no idea about politics, especially not american politics, so we are just gonna say that the implied war going on is fictional and this story also plays in a fictional world (obviously), so please do not be bothered to much by the thought where or when virgil was a veteran


	2. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil explains to Roman and Logan what happened with Remy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> triggers:
> 
> talking about war and death  
> talking about homophobia  
> non-accepting family members

***

Carefully Roman took him by the ellbow as he lead Virgil over the street. The purple-haired clenched his fist around Pheonix' leash, only concentrating on his own breathing. Somehow Roman had managed it to get him out of his flashback, somehow Roman knew that Phoenix was tasking. Virgil trusted him. Because withou him this could have ended so much worse.

"How did you know what to do?" He needed to focus on something.

"Mi madre y mi tía. They also fought for us, years ago. But they still have nightmares sometimes. I'm the oldest so it was my job to protect my siblings and help her, when papá wasn't home."

"Oh." Virgil couldn't bring himself to look at Roman. He knew how difficult he could become after a night terror and he couldn't imagine how scary it must have been for a child. "Thanks," he whispered, knowing that Roman could hear him.

"No problem at all." Roman smiled and pointed to a bookstore that was half hidden between two houses. "We will go to Logan and Thomas, you can take a break in the staff room. Patton will be here soon, we always spent our morning together at Logan's before we part for the day."

"I really don't want to intrude-"

"Oh don't talk nonsense, príncipe oscuro! You wouldn't be able to intrude even if you tried. Patton loves you way to much, pesadilla dulce."

Virgil stopped and made a face: "Did you just called me cute? Because I am **not** cute." Roman's heartly laughter made Virgil scoff. "No, I called you a cute nightmare. I thought that would fit better to your-", he gestured at Virgils outfit, "fashion choice."

"Excuse me?! Who is the one walking around wearing red and yellow like a little kid that dressed itself for the first time?"

"And who is wearing black skinny jeans like an emo teenager in puberty?"

"You are wearing **leggings**!"

"Well I'm expected on stage in about three hours. What is your excuse?" Virgil was quiet after that. Roman grinned from ear to ear and opened the door for him and Phoenix.

***

"DADDY YOU'RE BACK!" The second Roman walked in the store he had an arm full of son. "Pumpkin pie! Have you been nice to Logan?" Thomas nodded vigorously.

"Your son has indeed been polite as always." Logan appeared between two bookshelf, a package in his arm. "Good to see you, Roman. Salutations, Virgil."

"Hey, Logan", he greated quietly. Overwhelmed with the situation, he looked away as Logan and Roman kissed. He instead glanced around the shop.

It was obvious that Logan was a very tidy man, unlike himself, every book was put neatly in the shelfs, there was no sign of dust and even the sitting areas were perfectly arranged.

Dark blues and soft purples complimented the wooden furniture, warm lights filled the room with a calm atmosphere and in the background he could hear soft music playing. Unlike many stores, Virgil for once wasn't feeling unwell because of loud noises, bright lights or a piercing smell of some kind. He glanced at the three who were quietly talking to each other.

When he first met them yesterday he didn't really believe that Roman and Logan could fit together. But seeing them close, existing in their own bubble, it suddenly made sense. They were opposites, but they completed each other.

"Come on, I will show you where the rrom is, so you can sit down for a bit." Virgil simply nodded in agreement and followed Roman behind the counter and into a room next to a set of stairs that probably lead to Logan's apartment.

The break room followed the same calming color scheme and was furnished with a tiny kitchen area, a big table with four stools and a L-shaped couch. A seperate bookshelf hold - what Virgil guessed, where - Thoma's toys and books and a fern that flourished in the half-shadow under a window.

Virgil sat down on the edge of the couch and was soon greated with the cold snout of Phoenix, who tried to lick his clenching hands. "Good Girl," he muttered under his breath and burried his nose in the fur between her ears. The panic attack from earlier had worn him out and it was now that he was finally sitting, that he noticed how exhausted he really was. A glass of cold water was put in his hands and he sipped at it greatfully.

"Daddy, Logan said I can't pet the doggie?", he could hear the too loud whispering of Thomas. "Logan is right, pumpkin pie. You see, Phoenix his working so you are not allowed to distract her." _God, Roman really was amazing._

"But how can a doggie be working, Daddy? What does it do?" Virgil could practicly hear Roman thinking how to explain to his son what a service dog was. "You know, what we talked about with abuelita? That sometimes her brain can trick her to think that something really scary is happening?" The childish "Uh-Huh." made Virgil smile a bit. "And do you remember that everytime when you get a nightmare I will come to your room and hug you so tight that all the bad thoughts go away? Because Virgil is a grown up, like Daddy, he can't have his parents to protect him anymore. So when his brain thinks that something bad is happening and he gets scared, then Phoenix has to work really hard to keep the bad thoughts away."

If he still had tears left, Virgil would have cried by now.

"So... what happened at the store?" Logan's voice was calm but Virgil noticed the curiosity behind the words. Patton had explained him yesterday, that Logan never meant harm, he just didn't know when to ask and when it was inappropriate. So he thought about how to explain the situation, without telling them to much about him. _But there really was no way._

"I- I can explain, but... But- but promise not to tell anyone else. I'm not comfortable with other people knowing what is going on in my private life."

"I believe we can do that, right, Roman?"

"Of course we can, príncipe oscuro." Logan raised an eyebrow, hearing the nickname slipping from Roman's lips, but didn't say anything.

"Okay. Yeah." Virgil nervously fiddled with the nametag on Phienix' purple collar. His dog pawed at him, whining, and signaled him to breath.

"Okay. So the boy- the man in the store that triggered me was my younger brother. Remy. We were really close, before I... was sent away by my father."

"Dios mio, el es un cabrón!" Roman swore under his breath in spanish, making Logan show a tiny smile on his face.

"My father basically locked me away in my room for weeks before he put me in my uncle's - his brother's - car, with a trunk that held basic clothing and said: "This will help you be finally normal!". After that I was sent to a training camp for problematic teenagers. I was around 16 and had absolutely no choice in that matter whatsoever. I haven't gotten a singler letter or call in years. A few months after I got 18, I was fully trained and sent to the front. That was when the first letter arrived. I never read them and I guess I was already so broken that I never considered quitting. It wasn't like anything good would be waiting for me at home. But he couldn't decide for me anymore. So I stayed."

_And suddenly Virgil was 18 again. His hair was cut short and still black - coloring it purple was the only act of rebellion he was brave enough to act on -, he was sleeping in a tent with seven other boys. It didn't help to "cure" him, like his father would have wanted. When you were facing death and destruction on a daily basis, no one cared who you shared your bed with._

"A year ago was the first time that Remy called me. I picked up the phone just because I was so confused. He never had called before and I thought, maybe hearing his voice would change anything for me."

_Virgil was sitting in his colonel's office, the phone on his right ear. He was starring blankly at the wall as he heard the voice of a stranger that once was his brother._

"He told me that father had died. They wanted me at the funeral. He asked if I had read the letters, apparently Dad had changed after getting sick. He "understood" now. I hung up and went back to work."

_And then came the grenades._

"Two months later- or three... I don't now anymore. But- 27 people died that day. All of my comrads and friends were buried. Three of us survived, were sent to therapy and then back home."

Roman was unusually quiet. Logan was slowly nodding his head. "So you never told him...?"

Virgil laughed broken. "No. I never told my family that I was still breathing. And I had no intentions to, for good reasons."

"And seeing your brother and him screeming at you-"

"Caused my panic attack. Yeah." Virgil started giggling like crazy. _His life was a freaking mess._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta-read :) we die like men
> 
> Someone wanna help me?  
> English is not my mother-language and I forgot everything I learned in spanish-class.


	3. Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Virgil finally talk. And it's going to be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know this chapter is super short but between waiting for my college application to get answered, learning to drive a car, tutoring other kids and taking care of myself and my pets I really had no time to write.  
> BUTT I already have good ideas for the next part of the series which will be Virgil and Thomas bonding or the four sides going on a road trip for a week. Tell me what you would like to read.  
> Also if you wanna have anything written in this universe, tell me and I will probably do it :)  
> Thank you for reading

***

"So... Are you okay, Virgil?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Patton and him were sitting in front of Virgil's house in the old truck that Patton owned. After Patton had arived at the book store and had heared about what happened at the grocery store, he immediatly asked the younger man if he wanted a ride home. In his mental exhaustion Virgil had complied without really thinking and after promising Roman that he would write him a text message when he was home safely the two of them left.

The drive home had been in complete silence. Virgil did not really had the strength to talk and Patton - knowing Virgil like they never been seperated - knew to keep quiet in a moment like this.

"Don't lie to me."

Virgil glanced up from his folded hands and met Pattons hazel eyes. There was a soft smile on his lips but his eyes were full of worry. _Worry that were caused by Virgil because he was stupid enough to have a panic attack.And now he was even lying to Patton who never had harmed him in any way._

"No. No I'm not. But..." He took a long breath and closed his hurting eyes for a second. "But I will be. With all that has happened yesterday and today... The whole thing with Remy and- And with you..." He smiled stupidly at the ground.

"Don't get me wrong, I really, really like the idea of us together."

He fully turned to Patton who was smiling again. Finally. "What I said yesterday... That I -"

A hint of a blush started to creep it's way onto Virgil's cheeks. "I do."

Patton radiated: "I do too, Virgil"

For a moment of unknown time the two of them were just looking at each other in silence. With adoration Patton noticed the tips of Virgil's ears turning bright red, while Virgil was counting the freckles arounf Patton's nose that looked like a night sky of an uncharted universe.

"I'm going to be okay. Because I have you again. And maybe that is all that is important at the moment. I'm going to need time. And I will be honest with you; I will probably avert every social contact for the next two or three days. But- But you make me believe that I can do this. So I will try. For you."

The hug came unexpected but was very welcome. Patton held him tight in his arms and let Virgil burry his head in his shoulder. He didn't say anything when Virgil's grip got a little to hard and he kept quiet when he heard Virgil start crying. Because Patton knew that everything would be all right again.

He was there to protect Virgil from now on. Roman and Logan had his back, none of them would ever be alone with something. And in moments like this they would alwys be there for each other.

***

**13.45 - Virgil:** "Hi, this is Virgil. You told me to text when I'm home."

 **13.47 - Roman:** " :)"

 **13.47 - Roman:** "Thank you for texting."

 **13.48 - Roman:** "Have a lovely day, pesadilla dulce"

***

**13.51 - Roman:** "So boys... how can i convince mi rey to go on a date w/ me??"

 **13.52 - Logan:** "I believe it would be appropriate if you give him a bit time to process."

 **13.52 - Roman:** "Buttt... (butt :) )

 **13.53 - Roman:** "Hes so cuuuuteee!"

 **13.53 - Roman:** "I will die if i spent no time w/ him!!! :("

 **13.54 - Patton:** "Not to kill the mood here kiddo but I also think he needs som time"

 **13.56 - Roman:** " :("

 **13.56 - Roman:** " :("

 **13.57 - Roman:** " :("

 **13.57 - Roman:** "okay fine... "

 **13.57 - Roman:** "butttt you will be going on a date w/ me then!!"

 **13.59 - Logan:** "That does not make sense, but I get your way of thinking so I will comply to this offer."

 **14.01 - Roman:** " :)"

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no idea about cars so I googled and I guess now Patton has a 1970 Ford F150 truck in light blue....


End file.
